Top Signs-Bad Fest
  • Castle and village are made entirely of Legos.
  • Turkey leg bears striking resemblance to Cocker Spaniel Leg.
  • Festival activities include "Ye Ole Wet T-Shirt Contest".
  • Eight minute drum solo in the middle of Greensleeves.
  • You hear, "Belly up to the bar, me lad, for some grilled mahi-mahi and fresh California Roll."
  • Ye Old Glassblower makes nothing but crack pipes.
  • The meade is served in a coconut shell with a fizzy straw.
  • Everyone seems to have attended the Kevin Costner School of British Accents.
  • Mosh pit follow the wandering minstrels.
  • Guillotine exhibit closed due to pending litigation.
  • Friar Tuck's pager keeps going off.
  • Featured event-"Johnson-Jousting".
  • Disgusting Ogre is merely an unshaven Marlon Brando.
  • You hear, "Tarry, wench, I prithee! Wouldst thou Macarena?"
  • Magician's only trick is "Got your nose!"
  • Jousting Crips & Bloods.
  • You get charged 5 bucks to take a leak behind Ye Olde Hedge.
  • Grassy areas are astro turf and trees are all artificial.
  • Shop signs lit with neon lettering.
  • The king's crown says "Burger King" on it.
  • Patrons must have proof of personal injury insurance or sign a waiver.

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    New Ones From The Minnesota Renaissance Festival!

    If you ask for help with your character and are referred to the Disney section at Blockbuster.
    -Brian "Will Shakespeare" Murphy-
    The best part of the Parade is the "Shriners on motorcycles".
    -Brian "Will Shakespeare" Murphy-
    Instead of dealing with the normal ailments of allergies and "festival lung and nose"  (ailment caused by the black dust and hay imbedding themselves in your system and causing a nasty cough) you have to worry about Anthrax, Cholera, and the Bubonic Plague.
    -Lady Elsa-
    You have to worry about the marketing team selling action figures of the main characters to the general public for fun and profit.
    -Lady Elsa-
    Recorded "Muzac" is played in the parking lot.
    -Donna "Nana"-
    Minstrals need to plug in their instruments.
    -Donna "Nana"-
    Privies are actually "paytoilets".
    -Donna "Nana"-
    There are vending machines which sell Turkey drumsticks.
    -Donna "Nana"-
    Mother Superior's threats to take us back to the convent really happens!
    -Me "Rosalily Bud"-

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    Updated 4-27-99