1. You have the urge to build a campfire in your back yard and sing bawdy songs.
2. You have a list of Renaissance insults and use them at work.
3. You save chicken bones, tie them to a string and give them to someone as a toy.
4. You're proud of the fact that you were involved in a privy packing that included a very large Viking, 3 women with huge horned hats, and 15 other assorted characters all in ONE privy when the temperature outside is 90 degrees.
5. You sell privies as luxury condos.
6. You play "Chinese fire drill" in the privies.
7. You actually enjoy sweating.
8. You go to see "Braveheart" in full costume, and shout, "FREEDOM!" at the end.
9. You can find costume accessories in a hardware store.
10. You have more costume pieces in your closet than "regular" clothing.
11. You bring your leather mug to your local pub.
12. You use candles and lanterns inside your house instead of electric lights.
13. Your husband is more turned on by unlacing your bodice than by sexy black lingerie.
14. Your wear knee-high boots year round.
15. You're shopping and you ask, "How many pence is this, good sir?".
16. You don't mind going several days without a shower.
17. You feel uncomfortable out of a chemise, corset, bodice and two skirts.
18. You get mugged and tell the mugger his cheap dagger is going to rust.
19. You only know your best friend by their Festival name.
20. You wonder what clan your new plaid tablecloth belongs to.
21. You wonder what every girl you meet would look like in a bodice.
22. You can point out all the costume mistakes in Henry the VIII.
23. You feel rich because you have a pewter mug instead of a wooden one.
24. Your boots are worth more than your car.
25. You critique all Shakespeare movies based on accent.
26. You think of bagpipes as dance music.
27. You can spot a "costumed patron" on sight.
28. You correct your history teacher.
29. You greet a policeman by saying, "Good den, my good constable."
30. You've had more faire husbands/wives than real ones.
31. A friend asks if you know where to sign up for a self defense class and you send them to the fencing booth.
32. The first thing you do when you get home is shower...the second thing you do is get undressed.
33. You correct "William Shakespeare" when he's quoting himself.
34. You've gotten to the point where you *like* the taste of burlap.
35. Rock and Roll starts to sound like noise.
36. You have more cloaks than Batman.
37. Someone accuses Shakespeare of being a ghost writer and you jump up outrages yelling, "He wrote those himself...I was there."
38. You talk about paying for stuff in "pounds" - and you aren't in England.
39. You know more about your Faire "Family" than your own.
40. You find a dead bug in your food and keep eating.
41. Your parents don't recognize you OUT of costume.
42. You're in the privy and you don't notice the stench.
43. You call your Festival parents Mom and Dad and your real parents by their given names.
44. You can use the word "verily" in a sentence.
45. You cough up enough dust to fill a sandbox.
46. You can discuss the pros and cons of nylon vs. cotton lycra leggings and you're a guy.
47. You bring bells, sticks, and hankies to aerobics. (Morris Dancers)
48. You look at a new vest and wonder where the sleeve ties are.
49. You can name the sheep your shirt came from.
50. You can't wait till the end of summer so Festival can start.
51. It's snowing and all you can think is, "At least the weather is period."
52. You describe your religion as "bodice worshiper".
53. You bring a wooden bowl with you . . . to work.
54. You're surprised when somebody *isn't* pagan.
55. You have more leather working tools than wood working tools . . . and you're a carpenter.
56. You miss having sex in a tent.
57. You name your tent.
58. You bow to your boss.
59. You name your hamster "Percival the Avenger".
60. Someone says they make computers and you ask, "What kind of pewter is that?"
61. You see a cute girl in the street and have to fight off the urge to say, "Good morrow, my lady."
62. You'd rather wear a bodice than a bra.
63. You can put a broad sword down your bodice.
64. You like haggis, and you're not Scottish.
65. You start to show the bus driver your gate pass.
66. You dream in your festival accent . . . and it doesn't seem odd.
67. You're standing in a furniture store thinking, "Gee, that fabric would make a terrific doublet . . . "
68. You have tan lines that match your bodice neckline, NOT your swimsuit.
69. You see someone wearing a purple polo shirt on the street and think, "Uh-oh, only royalty is supposed to wear that color."
70. You take out your house keys . . . as you walk to your tent.
71. You always carry a dagger . . . just in case.
72. You KNOW what's worn under a Scotsman's kilt.
73. You have your Festival name printed on your business cards.
74. You need to photocopy something and you ask where you can find a scribe.
75. Someone outside of Festival introduces you and you wait for them to give your title.
76. You've won an argument with the Costume Director because your sources are better than theirs.
77. You actually know how to fence with a sword and mug.
78. You sign your festival name on your personal checks.
79. You see someone with a knife and all you can think is, "Why isn't that peace-tied?"
80. You think of sheep as a *common* household pet.
81. If you date a man that shows more leg than you.
82. If your idea of a fun evening at home is laughing at the costumes on "Zeena, Warrior Princess".
83. If you consider bread and water lunch rather than torture.
84. If you think dust is one of the 4 basic food groups.
85. If your morning routine involves oiling or polishing something.
86. If someone asks you to lace them up, and it's not their shoes.
87. If you're a woman and most of your male friends have longer and prettier hair than you.
88. If you can spell Renaissance without looking it up.
89. If you feel undressed without at least 2 layers of clothing, yet run stark naked in the campground!
90. If you try to flip the "IN USE" sign on your bathroom at home.
91. If you consider a Rice Krispie treat, All Sport drink, Vivarin and a bottle of Pepto Bismol . . .breakfast.
92. If you consider the Maypole dance as "wrap music".
93. If the concept of "sleeping in on the weekend" meets your definition of nostalgia.
94. If you and your significant other are sorting laundry and one of you has to ask, "Are these your tights or mine?"
95. If your idea of a perfect gift is a professional insult.
96. If you yell "HUZZAH!" when your team scores.
97. If a big hairy man insults your mother and you applaud.
98. If in August you try to flush the privy and by October you forget to flush anywhere.
99. If you can tie your shoes with Celtic knots.
100. IF IT TAKES A 12-STEP PROGRAM TO GET OUT OF CHARACTER!
You know you've been working at MRF too long when...
You won't go to movies at the "Pavilion" in Rosedale because you are afraid that marketing is going to schedule something lame there at the last minute.
You hear people talking about the "good old days" when the BLT tent had a building behind it.
You won't move within 30 miles of Shakopee for fear of losing your campground privileges.
You always end up throwing away the legs from your Thanksgiving turkey.
You're surprised that people from Wisconsin and Iowa don't "talk real slow".
You remember all the queens.
You launch into "the ugly baby routine" at a christening.
You shout "Huzzah! Twenty pounds for the king!" at a ritzy bar.
You snicker when somebody refers to something from this century as "retro".
Hoigaard's huge tent sale makes you homesick.
Beer's just not as good without the taste of leather.
You throw out regular clothes to make room for costumes.
You no longer own any non-festival drinking vessels.
You think there should be a special academy award just for people playing Queen Elizabeth I.
(The above are all from William “Brian Murphy” Shakespeare)
The phrase you've got an axe to grind can be taken literally. (Dayna-“The Baroness”)
Your idea of a greeting is a wet sloppy kiss.
Your dagger costs more than your automobile.
You think paying for a mug in installments is normal.
You use your fingers to pull items from your beer before continuing.
Beer before noon is called 'Cold Barley Soup', 'Breakfast of Champions' or 'Malt-O-Meal' and is perfectly acceptable.
(The above are from Jay "Wil Scarlet")
Updated 4-5-99
