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The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
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Money can't buy happiness...but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
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Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends.
If they're OK, you're it.
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Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
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A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
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It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
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Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
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If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
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The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates
how difficult it was.
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It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning
to others.
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Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
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Paranoids are people, too. They have their own problems. It's easy to criticize,
but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.
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A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel
happy to be on your way.
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left
them to where you can't find them.
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Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not
be evenly distributed.
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