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ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid) adj. Being able
to drive and refold a road map at the same time.
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AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the
ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
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AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' re um) n. The point where the
stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving
the drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting her(him)self
in the eye (or ear).
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BURGACIDE (burg' uh side) n. When a hamburger can't
take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill into the coals.
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BUZZACKS (buz' aks) n. People in phone marts who walk
around picking up display phones and listening for dial tones even when
they know the phones are not connected.
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CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act,
when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a
dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting
it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
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DIMP (dimp) n. A person who insults you in a cheap
department store by asking, "Do you work here?"
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DISCONFECT (dis don fekt') v. To sterilize the piece
of candy you dripped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this
will remove all the germs.
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ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) n. A rescue vehicle which
can only be seen in the rearview mirror.
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EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz) n. Gangly people sitting
in front of you at the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in,
follow suit.
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ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people
maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
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ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun) n. The mistaken
notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.
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FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses
to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room
until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
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LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling
the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort
to the 'illegal' side.
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NEONPHANCY (ne on' fan see) n. A fluorescent light
bulb struggling to come to life.
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PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant
whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want
ground pepper.
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PETROPHOBIC (pet ro fob' ik) adj. One who is embarrassed
to undress in front of a household pet.
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PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing
a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
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PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window
after a dog presses its nose to it.
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TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act
of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up,
even when you're only six inches away.
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